Overdue Musings

It's been a while, yeah? I'll break this up into sections and try to keep it (fairly) short

Naysa Diane:

   This girl has been coming on leaps and bounds lately, not sure what's gotten into her but I'm definitely not going to question it! She has been making new sounds, grabbing and holding new objects and so much more interactive. HBOT (Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy) is in the works and hopefully starting as soon as next week! I am so excited to see what this does for her along with increased therapy (PT, OT, Speech.)
   We have been trying to get nursing since we moved here, though I'm still not sure how I feel about having someone who is NOT our Joan hanging around. I'll probably go through a few before I find a good fit like we did before we found her. Really hoping this gets set up before the baby arrives!
   As the holiday season quickly approaches, I find myself growing more anxious about her health. It seems the hospital is always unavoidable around this time and I can't remember the last winter without a PICU stay. Hormones of course have my irrational fears in overdrive. Most recently, I can't shake the "what if" of this pregnancy as what if we unexpectedly got pregnant because something IS going to happen with Nay and having a new baby to focus attention away from that will be helpful and healing..? That's crazy, right? Yes.... totally. Still, I hold her a little a longer and look into her eyes a little deeper because you just never know, especially with our cele babies. Today is a gift and tomorrow is never promised, isn't that the saying? It's not something I dwell on but when it randomly crosses my mind my heart immediately drops to my stomach and I don't much care for that feeling! I've upped both her and Ryld's vitamins, so fingers crossed we can avoid all that this year, maybe a few trips to the chiropractor for all of us too.

Oopsy:

   I am SO excited I am able to VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 cesarean) with this pregnancy! I get a lot of confusion about my level of excitement because all anyone associates childbirth with is pain. Yes, I understand it will be painful, but let me explain.
  Birth is something extraordinary that only women are capable of. It is empowering and exciting to realize what your body is capable of. Cesarean birth is birth, absolutely. It is major surgery that is extremely painful for weeks to heal from while trying to take care of a newborn and in my case, two other littles. It is a scary, sterile procedure where you have absolutely zero control on how you bring your baby into the world. They give you a spinal, strap you to table and cut you open..it's uncomfortable and I HATE feeling so drugged and tired when my baby is finally placed in my arms for the first time.
   I've never experienced labor, the intensity and excitement knowing with each contraction your baby is closer to being here. I want this. I can do this. It's hard to explain unless you've been through it, but I cannot wait to take my body back, to birth this baby naturally, to heal. C-sections are traumatizing, whether you realize it at the time or not. It's not the natural way of things and at least for me, you feel like a failure as a woman. So, that is why I look forward to the pain and wonder of a VBAC. I am aware of the risks, the numbers, statistics, etc and I absolutely would not consider it if it were more dangerous than a repeat cesarean. Support it or not, that's your choice but do not come to me with your worries and negativity please! I have been and will be working my ass off to ensure the highest chance of a successful VBAC :)

I hope you're all doing well! I am enjoying this no Facebook thing and not sure I will even get back on to be honest... if you haven't yet signed up for email updates and pictures and want to follow this link! You can also still keep up with pictures on Instagram (Ashlyn_Page)