Ultrasound Scare

  Yesterday's appointment...where do I begin? I was excited to go because it was the first scan Ben had been able to attend since the first one confirming pregnancy, but I am also always nervous and I know he is too. We sat in the waiting room in silence, a comment here and there but mostly trying to distract ourselves until they called my name. Everything started off well, he is perfectly perfect...until I noticed her spending a lot of time on his stomach. I was afraid to ask if everything was okay and why she was looking there for so long so I just held my breath until she spoke. She said she couldn't see any fluid in the stomach and she was going to see if the Doctor wanted to take a look. As she left the room my mind raced and I had vivid flashbacks to the day we were told of Naysa's Encephalocele, I felt the tears burning behind my eyes and prayed. My poor Benjamin is sitting in the chair next to me as I lay on the table staring at the ceiling, doing what he always does when I'm upset...tries to make me laugh. It didn't work but I love him for trying, especially because I know he was just as panicked on the inside. Every time I heard a nurse or doctor talking or hanging around out side our door I prayed they weren't coming in with a complicated medical term for a condition our baby had. The thing that caught me so off guard is I didn't have a feeling anything was wrong, this entire pregnancy I haven't had that feeling and with Naysa I did. I didn't buy baby clothes or anything baby related until I was almost 20 weeks because I was so weary. That day we made the 40 minute drive from Atsugi to Yokosuka I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach something wasn't right and I wasn't able to just enjoy going to see our baby with my husband for the first time.
    When she finally came back in she said we would check one more time and then we would just be sent downstairs to see the OB. Another check and still couldn't see the stomach so downstairs we went. We sat in that little room for about 30 minutes waiting on the Doctor and I couldn't stop thinking. She finally came in, asked a few routine questions which I barely remember mumbling answers to. She started to explain the situation and said it could just be bad positioning and the baby isn't cooperating and to come back in 3-4 weeks. Yes....almost a MONTH to sit on the fact there is a possibility my baby has a birth defect. My eyes watered and I stopped responding to her questions other than "mmhmm." I felt my face flush and was about to lose it, thankfully she saw this and came up with a solution. She called back upstairs to see if they could take another quick look and walked us up to make sure we got right in. I got back on the table and Ben went to the restroom, I held my breath as she applied the warm gel and started to roll the wand towards the stomach...and there it was! The little dark grey patch I was so desperately hoping they would find. She snapped a photo and I could breathe again. It was so quick, I was already off the table by the time Ben came back from the restroom. He walked in with worry on his face and I told him everything was fine so he could breathe again too. I couldn't shake the funk I was in the rest of the day, that whole experience just wiped me out. So very thankful he is healthy.