Human Nature.

Yesterday, Joanna asked me if people stare at Naysa a lot and if I would just rather them ask about her head than stare. I thought about it for a minute and decided I would rather have someone inquire opposed to gawk. Then I remembered a few weeks earlier at a get together with friend's that there had been a little girl, maybe 5 ask about Naysa's scar. She looked for a minute, then smiled and asked what happened to her head. I told her she had surgery when she was born to remove a ball that wasn't supposed to be there (had to put it in kid's terms :p) She instantly had a look of sadness across her face, like she knew how Naysa felt. She lifted her shirt and showed me her belly and said she had surgery when she was a baby too. I felt the urge to reach out and hug this little girl, but having never met her before I thought that would be a little creepy. Why is it that a 5 year old has the guts to ask instead of stare and a 30 year old doesn't? What happens between the years of childhood and adulthood that makes us afraid, shamed, gutless to do the things we did as children so easily? Before this journey with our daughter I know I stared at children or people who were different, physically or mentally...feeling sorry for them because they weren't "normal". It's odd how an event can change your entire perspective. I no longer stare at these people with pity, but with admiration. The special need child who doesn't fear going in public, the mother who gave that child a chance and walks around with her head held high. I am amazed. Instead of sadness in their eyes, there is joy! To a parent, your child is perfect no matter if a medical record or appearance says otherwise. When I first found out about the encephalocele, my dreams shattered & my heart broke. Either my baby would die or she would have special needs. All of my daydreams of a healthy girl running around, playing, talking and leaping in my arms we're gone. The closer it got to the date of the c-section and the more mom's on the cele group I talked to, the pictures I saw and stories I heard, I realized I will still have all of those dreams, just modified. No one knows the future...She may very well be able to do all of those things with little issue, but if she doesn't that's okay too. She is perfect to me & just because she does things at her own pace will never change the love I have for her. She may be a cone head, but she is MY cone head!