Conflictions.

Lately, a lot of my medically fragile kids I follow on facebook have taken a turn for the worse. Their parents faced with DNR orders and the conflicting emotions that come with it. I cannot help but to be empathetic and put myself in their situation with my own medically fragile child. With some it was expected, a slow downhill relapse or succumbing to the sickness that had already invaded. With others though, it is out of the blue...a random and vicious illness. I can only imagine being at the hospital day after day, watching your child slowly decline as the doctor comes in and solemnly suggests you start thinking of a decision whether or not to resuscitate should it come to that. On one hand, I feel it would be wrong of me to let her go, to not give her that chance to see if she can pull through, no matter how slim. Would I regret it, live my life wondering "what if..?" Yet, on the other..it would be selfish of me to keep her here. To only keep her here because I wanted her here, to make her keep soldiering on when her body is obviously telling us she is done. To have a poor prognosis and still keep her. What quality of life would she have? What kind of life of hers would I have been responsible for all because I was too selfish to not let her stop fighting and rest? Sadly, I know parents who have done both. One decision is not better than the other, they are both brave and take an immense amount of strength. Of course, I cannot say what I would honestly do if ever I found myself in this situation. I only hope and pray I would have the wisdom and strength to do what I felt was best for my daughter. To my friends who have been faced with this difficultly and those who currently find themselves in it, anything you decide is admirable. Thankfully, today she is here, she is healthy, she is happy. Today, I will squeeze her a little tighter and hold her a little closer. Today...is a good day.