B.E.A.R & Speech

Turns out being exhausted from keeping a little bug awake from 4am and on is completely worth it :) We were up and attem early yesterday at Rady's Children's Hospital for Naysa's b.e.a.r hearing test. I had to keep her up to make sure she was sleepy so the sedative would work the way it is supposed to. The test can last anywhere from 45mins-1 1/2 hours and works by tracking the activity from her ear drums to her brain stem on an EEG. Naysa was being very cooperative and only took about 30 mins to complete and PASS all four tests! The Dr said her hearing was perfectly normal. Normal...I wanted to cry. It has been so long since I've anything about her was "normal" I can't even begin to describe the emotions I felt as she continued to talk and tell me how beautifully everything went. I felt great the rest of the day, which is kind of rare these days as I can't seem to shake myself out of this funk. Today she was evaluated for speech therapy and all of the good feelings of yesterday faded as I filled out paperwork and answered questions, coming to the realization of all the things she COULDN'T do. I've always tried to focus on the positive, the things we were told to never expect and she does like it's second nature so when faced with how far behind she really is, my heart broke. I held back tears as I checked "no" over and over. I feel like we are stuck in a rut with her development. She's missed therapy too much lately due to personal things and I can really tell how much she needs it. People keep asking when we plan to have another baby and that's just it...another BABY. Naysa at this point is like a perma baby and I honestly don't know how I am supposed to handle that. I want to hear her yelling and throwing fits, having to lock up the cabinets because she keeps crawling around getting into trouble and instead she is just stationary. I can't even think about more children as long as Naysa isn't mobile or at least sitting up unassisted. *sigh* I think that's enough for tonight, I need a stiff drink and a soft bed.