Confessions of a SN Mom

I never thought my first child would be diagnosed with a serious birth defect, that I would spend half my pregnancy worried and afraid. I never thought my newborn would have surgery her second day of life and spend her first two weeks in the NICU instead of her home. I never thought I could hold on so tightly to the bars of an emotional roller coaster and come off with a smile. No one could have known...no one but GOD. I don't care if you are Atheist, Agnostic, Baptist or Jewish. There is no possible way you can look at my daughter and tell me there is not someone or something higher watching over her. She is the honest and true definition of a miracle. I don't know what plans He has for her, but I can promise you it's something big. Look now, at just 6 months old she has touched the lives of hundreds if not thousands of people! She has almost 900 following her journey through the Prayers for Baby Naysa Page on Facebook and has created so much awareness of otherwise unknown medical conditions. She has brought so much joy and faith back into my life, there are no words for how amazing this little human is! Because of her our eyes have been opened to such a different world. We are apart of the Special Needs community...never could I have envisioned this being apart of my life. We don't know where she will be developmentally until age 3 or so and I pray we don't have to watch her struggle. When most people, like I used to..hear the words "special needs" they immediately picture someone with down syndrome, autism, is physically disabled, etc. There is such a wide array of what this term entails. Since becoming apart of this community I have read and followed kids with severe medical and/or mental disabilities who require 10-20 meds every 1-3 hours, have 'round the clock care and nurses to children who are just a little behind with gross motor skills. I have such respect and admiration for the parents of a special needs child, no matter what the severity is. Kids are a 24/7 "job" as it is, then to add extra stresses, appointments, expenses, time...You are amazing. It's frustrating and heartbreaking to not have a typical child yet I rejoice with every little breath she takes because she wasn't supposed to be here. The bipolar thoughts and feelings of being a SN mom are relentless. One second you are celebrating because your baby just took their first steps and the next you feel the sadness in your heart because he should have done it a year ago. It's one day at a time, one breath at a time. We as SN parents are allowed our pity party moments, but then we have to push it back into the darkness and move on. Everything in the world can be questioned with a coulda, shoulda, woulda...but then what? You wouldn't be who you are right now, at this moment. You wouldn't have learned such compassion, empathy and humility. I am so thankful for all the people I have met and the things I have learned because of Naysa. My mind and heart have been so exposed to a world I otherwise would have overlooked. I never knew I could feel so vulnerable yet be so strong, that I could grip so tightly to the smallest strand of hope. Thank you baby girl, thank you.