remembering to breathe

Today has been an up and down day for me. With no information and only the million thoughts and outcomes I play out in my head, the situation isn't moving as fast as I would like it to. On one hand, I know we don't know enough to assume the worst and that should make it easy to keep hopeful but the now knowing is killing me. I feel the little thumps of kicks and punches of the seed to let me know it's still fighting and thriving but then I also freak out when it goes a few hours without any movement. I've been on the phone most of the morning to tricare and the med evac office here on Atsugi and in Yokosuka only to find out the ONE guy that I need to be in the office to open up the email and give me information won't be in until Monday. Of course he won't, why would he be there on a working day? I hate that they give us this devastating, life changing news then just send us on our way with nothing. The doctor didn't even seem to know much about this herself. I guess with it being a 1 in 5,000 chance they don't do much studying on this sort of thing. Benjamin said they probably took so long to get back to us when we were waiting in the room because they had to go look it up themselves. I'm beginning to think he is right. Which also makes me think hope and pray that this really is a misdiagnosis. I mean, all they've done is an ultrasound and saw a dark spot on the top of the head. Is that really enough to tell the parents that their baby has a rare and fatal condition??